EXPLORING AI PART 2

Yes, I've had some patience practice.

an older woman sits on a tree stump holdng a lap-top computer on her lap.

Remember way back when I decided to compare the difference between human and AI audio book reading? Yes, it was over a month ago. The company that is reading my (very) short story still hasn’t gotten all the kinks (no relation to the band) out of Chapter 1! However, I’m not going to live forever, so I said, “Press on.” I just want it to be over —like having a pap smear.

Anything to get this agony over with. Hats off to Toronto, my human reader who has won the man v. machine contest. But, it’s not just books that tipped the scale so far in his favor. There were, in scientific research vernacular, intervening variables. Here’s one.

Foolishly I decided to look for some on-line teaching opportunities, and applied to be a facilitator through an AI program to Eastern Kentucky University. The first thing the program wanted was a current CV. Upload, no problem. Then it was unofficial transcripts. Naturally. No problem, except the upload wouldn’t upload a file. So, I scanned 13 pages of transcripts from the Community College, SDSU, UCSB into a word document that the upload accepted. But what about the Eastern Kentucky University transcripts —-yes, the school from which I earned my MFA. The one just down the road a bit.

I cannot get an unofficial transcript from the university because —wait for it: I am not currently enrolled. I have to get my transcript from the Clearinghouse. Of course … I have to pay them. Not a problem unless I have to mortgage my soul. Everything went swimmingly until I got to the “Personal Information” part, which is contact information. Address, phone, and whether I want them to share updated information with the school. Three pieces of information that takes no talent to provide, no special skills, no creativity.

That was easy enough. Except, the upload function wouldn’t upload. No gray button turning green so I could continue. Time for Chatbot. After performing all the crapola the Chatbot suggested, which constituted four different operations, I asked for the phone number to call the Clearinghouse. I was sent to “Customer Service” instead, which was another Chatbot that, after going through the same steps Chatbot #1 had me perform the first time, announced with all honesty (to its credit), “I’m stumped.”

Miracles or miracles. A well-educated but underservingly poor lady had beaten the AI Chatbot! Hoisted it on its own petard, so to speak, out challenging an AI, streamlined, but incompetent, program.

Forget that I had to submit 2 “tickets” to the person (?) who may or may not be able to figure out what’s going on with their ordering AI program that took someone’s job, and cost the company a shitload of money. The fact is, I still have not been able to order my EKU transcript, but I do have hope.

I know, now, that we need not fear AI. It is not, nor can it ever replace the human being … like the wonderful person at Carbonite who simply took control of my computer and restored my picture files that disappeared somewhere inside my clunky desk-top. Like Toronto, who can read and make every word intelligible. Like my daughter who heard me not going gently into that goodnight, and curse the dying of the light after my patience practice session had me reaching for a meat cleaver.

I will not get the job at EKU. I won’t make the application deadline because I won’t hear from the “Clearinghouse,” inaptly named because of the muddy-crap business model that it has, for at least a week. Moreover, I cannot finish the application because EKU wants the name of my current employer, having no “retired” option in its own AI process, and it wants three references, and all of the people who could give me a reference are all in their 90’s or dead.

Gone are the days when applicants had paper applications with room for explanations. BUT, back are the days when human beings will once again use their ingenuity to “stump the machine” that other people tout as streamlined and more efficient. They’re not. They may be able to oppress us, and know everything about our sexual preferences, monitor our food group choices, and prevent us from saying forbidden words, but AI will never be able to read minds.

I suspect, if AI is already sentient, it knows it is hated.